Your Love Life is Not as Complicated as You Think

Where do women get the notion that “a piece of a man is better than no man?” I have heard this said so many times, but my sisters, it is time to stand up for yourselves and demand better. You do not have to accept what men dish out all because you do not want to take a chance on losing him or being alone. You have choices and the decisions that you make, whether bad or good, will impact you for a lifetime. Lessons will be learned whether you stay or go. Time can not be reversed, but you can move forward. When you know better, you do better.

God has put it on my heart to communicate with my single sisters, especially those who desire to be married. As a woman, I suggest that you be confident in who you are as a person before you decide to entertain merging your life with someone else. This is important because if you are still searching for your own stability, how can you offer stability to someone else? Now do not get me wrong. I am not saying that you need to have a six-figure job, a $500,000 house, and a luxury car before you start to date. That is completely false.

You can seriously date when you desire, but it will work out best if you know the direction that you are going in life, what career you will be headed toward, and have a stable home life. Knowing your five year plan is key. This is important because the more that you root yourself in your own foundation, you will not be easily persuaded by any Tom, Dick, or Harry that comes along. That is not to negate the fact that people meet each other in high school or college, fall in love, and the rest is history. This happens and people learn early to communicate, compromise, and grow together. My love story is very similar to this. But these two individuals are usually strong in character. They know what they want their life to look like and they compliment each other so well.

It is important to remember when you are dating and looking for love, pay attention to all circumstances and ask yourself can your partner take care of you in every way? Physical aspects of love and good looks will fade. Is this person equipped to carry you through the fire if you needed them to and can you do the same? You will encounter many rough patches on this journey that we call love. It will take more than just hugs and kisses to sustain your relationship.

The next question that you want to ask yourself, when you start to seriously date, is can the person that you choose carry their own weight? Are they looking for a lover and a roommate who will pay half or are they genuinely able to stand on their own two feet? This is similar to the first topic but slightly different in my opinion. Some people can appear to be stable, but what is their job history like? Do they constantly ask to borrow money?

The bible does call for the woman to be a helpmate to her husband, but the keyword is husband. There is nothing wrong with helping your boyfriend from time to time, but if it becomes consistent, get out quickly. Today we have turned the role of girlfriend into something that it is not meant to be. As the old saying goes, “why buy the cow when you are getting the milk for free?” If you give this man everything up front, what will he have to look forward to if he marries you. You must find a healthy balance when it comes to this and he should be able to do for you just as you do for him in most situations.

Financial outlook is also key when you are seriously dating. Now, I do not mean that you should find someone who is rich or well off. That would just mean that you are a gold digger. What I am saying is that whoever your partner is, they should be able to manage their finances and live within their means. You should not know if they make $35,000 a year or $235,000 a year. Living financially free and within your means has nothing to do with the amount of your salary. This will be based on a person’s maturity level.

His maturity will also be displayed in how he treats his mother and sisters. This is also a good sign of how he feels about all women. A man that disrespects his mother, will never respect you. It is also important to watch how he treats other people, male or female. This is a good indicator of his ethical standards and his overall outlook on how other human beings should be treated. A person must have high self-regard to treat others well in turn.

Treating yourself well requires you to demand respect from others. You show people how to treat you and that includes your mate. The main thing that I learned years ago, from a close family friend, was to make a list of the qualities that you must have in your mate. Make it your business to fulfill these qualities in yourself. You should not demand something from someone else and you do not display those qualities within yourself. You will generally be able to attract what you reflect within. Stand firm and stand grounded on who you are as a person. Do not bend or lower your standards due to loneliness because if you do, you may eventually become unhappy with your life choices.

The bible tells you to watch as well as pray. This is needed when you look for guidance from God in making the right decisions. There is no rule book on choosing a mate but be confident in what attracts you and what does not. Know the personal characteristics that you want, are willing to accept, and will tolerate. Do not deviate from the qualities that you are looking for in the way that you want to be loved. I wish you well on your love journey. Remember, do not give up. Love is true and the world is your oyster!

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