Five Reasons Why Men Struggle with Commitment

Many women that I speak with struggle to find a man who is ready to make a serious commitment. Women tend to be nurturers while men are caught up on being the hero. Women naturally put their feelings into a relationship even if the man plainly states that he is not ready to get serious. In some cases, she feels that she may be able to change his mind by showing him how well she can take care of him. If she is a good woman and has the qualities that he is looking for, why doesn’t he want to stake his claim and make her his forever?

I have noticed that men often carry hurt from previous relationships into their next journey. Both men and women build walls without being aware. People pile brick after brick to keep future love prospects from troubling the waters of their heart in a bad way. Admittedly, heart break is one of the most painful things that a person will ever go through. This rejection can lead to some bad scars that will possibly ruin a person for a lifetime. Some people will only let you in so far. When they realize that you have made it past that wall, they retreat and force you to back up instantly.

Men often decide to date multiple women and sometimes they never intend to commit. They enjoy having their cake and eating it too. I personally have never been the type to snoop through my husband’s clothes or his phone. He gives me no reason to be suspicious. But if you think something is too good to be true, it probably is. It may be necessary to investigate if a situation appears fishy or he makes himself unavailable at certain times.

Men may also struggle with insecurities that make them feel inadequate. This could stem from dysfunctional relationships with their mother and not necessarily a previous love. Some men look for certain qualities in the women that they date. In some cases, this means that they are looking for traits like those carried by their mother. They get used to the dysfunction so they are not able to relate to a “normal” relationship with a mate as society would see it.

Now this can be a two-edge sword. Men may be used to being cared for by their mother as well. Many single men still stop by to eat or have their mothers wash their clothes and take care of dry cleaning. Some mothers may even clean their son’s homes. This expectation will rollover to their girlfriend who certainly may not be up for those tasks.

Men want to be taken care of, but they want to feel needed as well. One of the top issues, that will send a man on his way, is the fact that a woman is too independent. Do not get me wrong. It is not a situation where a woman needs to dumb herself down, however as I stated earlier, men like to feel like the hero. They want to be the handyman around the house. Instead of you always being on the ladder, let them change your light bulbs and set up your new television and surround sound system. It sounds corny, but it is very true. Men feel a sense of accomplishment when they can do things to keep your household working like a charm. Even if it is simply, asking for help finding someone to do it for them.

I will always tell a woman there is nothing wrong with helping your man with a few things around his home as well. But don’t play “house” with him. Why would he buy the cow when he can get the milk for free? As women, no matter how desperate we are to be married, we must find a natural balance in our courtship. We must make sure that we are not playing the role of the fool under any circumstance. We cannot set ourselves up to be used. We don’t want to groom a man to perfection and then have him walk away to be someone else’s husband.

We must pay attention to all the signs they are giving. If your mind is on marriage and he is no where near that thought process, you may want to take a step back and re-assess the situation. Are you moving too fast or is he just not the one for you? Intentionally listen to every word that he says. Don’t blow off what you want to consider as small areas to work on. If something is on your list of character traits for your husband and the man you are dating does not have that quality, take note of that. Something small could end up being huge.

Definitely avoid pushing the issue of marriage. Allow him to be who he truly is as you do the same. You do not want him faking it through a relationship and you cannot build by doing that either. Stay true to yourself and Mr. Right will surely come along. I do not believe that God gives us desires to set us up for disappointment. However, He may be holding up the process until He feels that we are ready to take on the role of being someone’s wife.