Is Your Marriage Now Based on Love or Convenience?

It has been 23 years for me since I said I do. Marriage is never easy and anyone who says that it is, they are definitely not being truthful. Marriage is a situation where two lives are merged into one however, do not misunderstand. This is not a situation where each person is bringing 50% of themselves to the union. Both partners must bring 100% of themselves to be successful at this agreement. But be careful because each person must be great at the game of give and take. You must be attentive to the other person just as much as you are attentive to yourself. This is one of the main characteristics that makes a marriage work.

Giving requires a certain amount of a person’s selfishness to be put to the side. This is where the road can get bumpy at times because many are unable to put the needs of another person in front of their own. This also feeds into a person’s definition of love. The Merriam-Webster dictionary has so many definitions for love with one being written as an attraction based on sexual desire: affection and tenderness felt by lovers. But the NIV version of The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

That is HUGE! That is a serious commitment to give to one person when you are vowing to love them for a lifetime. Man, that just pricked my heart so deeply. I am sitting here thinking about all the times that I have argued with my husband and wanted to walk away, but stayed, have I fulfilled this vow to love him? I believe that during the good and the bad, I can say that I have and am still fulfilling my vow to love, honor, and cherish my mister.

I decided to write this blog article because many years ago, I was taking a road trip with two people and the question was asked, do you still love your husband? Then assumptions came and a statement. Now, there were 3 people on this road trip including myself and the other 2 people stated, firmly, that they LOVED their husbands, but they were no longer IN LOVE. I am good at math and 33% is a failure. I almost hit the floor, seriously. One person had been married much longer than me and the other person had been married a shorter number of years, so it was not a factor of time. I had to fight to convince them that I was still IN LOVE with my husband!

It was not a fight in my mind, it was a fight on their part. They wanted to convince me that there was no possible way that I could still be in love. I was truly taken back. I know that I can be a bit naïve at times, but this was my first reality check on this subject. Do not get me wrong. I am well aware that many be people stay together simply to fulfill their vows that were said to God. I know many couples who stay together out of obligation or convenience. This could be because they have children and sometimes this continues long after the children are gone. However, this was an eye opener for me. I had 2 people that I knew, very well, telling me about the love circumstances in their heart.

I have never been there, and I do not want to be. I cannot say for sure, but I do not think that I could live my life that way. I love being in love and I want to spend my life feeling this way. Again, it is not all candy and hearts every day, but I consistently say that my husband is my best friend and I look forward to seeing him every minute of every hour on most days. I love his embrace when I am happy, and I love it when I am sad. I do not stand here in judgement and happiness is just like beauty. It is in the eye of the beholder.

I understand the fact that love can take people on a rollercoaster ride and the results are not always pretty. I want every woman reading this blog to take a long hard look in the mirror and determine what part of this possible upset may be your fault, if any. Are you taking a loss for the team for a reason? Is this a simple situation where you lack self-confidence, is it convenient, or are you simply afraid to be alone and start over?

I will never tell people to leave their relationship because their comfort and acceptance level does not have to match mine. But I am here to tell you to start embracing your joy and determine what causes it. I will tell you to start living your life like it is golden as Jill Scott said because you only get one. Come on sugar! Let’s get this party started. You loved him once, can you fall in love with him again? Either way, you have some reassessments to do in 2021. We, as women, will live in happiness and truth and we are not depending on anyone to bring it to us on a silver platter. Go get it my sister!

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